Hard Times for Daffy
by WileE2005
Summary: Daffy Duck is really angry with Cartoon Network and Boomerang for getting rid of his shows, and vows revenge. Here I designed Daffy to act like his 60s self with a bit of Death to Smoochy. I advise those Dexter's Lab fans not to read it, though.
1. Chapter 1 Enter the Lab

HARD TIMES FOR DAFFY

By Wile_E2005

DISCLAIMER

I do not own the Looney Tunes characters, any Cartoon Network or Hanna-Barbera characters, and I do not own the rights to "Death to Smoochy," where I based some of my story. All of those elements are trademarks and copyrighted by Warner Brothers and the Time Warner Company. This is only for fanfic use.

Starring the Voices Of:

JOE ALASKEY as Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote, Sylvester the Cat, Baby Face Finster, Marvin the Martian and Tweety

MAURICE LAMARCHE as Yosemite Sam

BILLY WEST as Elmer Fudd

BOB BERGEN as Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales

COLLEEN WAINWRIGHT as Sniffles

LARRY STORCH as Cool Cat, Colonel Rimfire, Merlin the Magic Mouse and Second Banana

FRANK WELKER as the Cartoon Network Boss, Charlie Dog, Scooby-Doo and Fred Jones

KATH SOUCIE as Lola Bunny, Dexter's Mom and Anchorwoman

JEFF BENNETT as Dexter's Dad, the Fake Judge and Foghorn Leghorn

CANDI MILO as Dexter

GREY DELISLE as Frankie, Pixar Worker, the Baby, Mandy, Daphne Blake, Dr. Isobel C. Spots and Crowd Member

MINDY COHN as Velma Dinkley

KATHRYN CRESSINDA as Dee-Dee

TOM KANE as Mr. Herriman the Rabbit

GREG CIPES as Beast Boy

SCOTT MENVILLE as Robin

LAUREN TOM as Numbah Three

TOM KENNY as the Anchorman, Emergency Broadcast Announcer, Pixar Worker, the Doctor and Policeman

ROB PAULSEN as Save Dexter Announcer, Crowd Member, Pixar Chairman and Judge Announcer

MICHAEL DORN as I. M. Weasel

CHARLIE ADLER as Chicken

BEN STEIN as the Jury Member

OWEN WILSON as Lightning McQueen

CASEY KASEM as Shaggy Rogers

TONY ANSELMO as Donald Duck

NANCY CARTWRIGHT as Bart Simpson

SETH MACFARLENE as Stewie Griffin

KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON as the Wayan Brothers

ALEX BORSTEIN as Lois Griffin

MUSIC

Gigi Meroni

Rich Dickerson

ANIMATION SERVICES

Lotto Animation

Toon City Animation

Yearim Productions Co. Ltd

Liquid Animation (CGI effects)

Pixar Animation Studios (Lightning McQueen animation only)

And now it's time for the show!

(NOTE: Daffy's dialogue is "translated" from lisp-language here.)

Chapter One…

Enter the Lab

It all started one day at Daffy Duck's house. He turned on the TV to Boomerang, hoping to see "Looney Tunes." He said cheerfully, "Oh boy, it's almost 1:00! Time for my greatest classics!" And with that, he switched the TV to Boomerang, and its logo came up. However, instead of fading up on the opening logos for "Looney Tunes," the opening titles of "Dexter's Laboratory" began!

"WHAT?!" Daffy screamed. He watched with horror as an episode began… "Dee-Dee's Rival." He was shocked! He said, "This… this can't be happening!" And with that, Daffy immediately powered off the TV and rushed over to his computer. He went online to the Boomerang website and searched the schedule for Looney Tunes, but to no avail. "Dexter's Laboratory" had taken all of its timeslots!

The poor duck cried, "NOOOOOOO! What can I do? I am in danger of becoming… OBSCURE! I must go over to the Cartoon Network building!"

So with that, he rushed over to the Cartoon Network office building. By now thunder was rumbling and rain began to fall. Daffy burst through the doors to the main desk and found a huge, angry-looking businessman at a desk. "Hey, buster! I want my cartoons back on TV! Let me speak to the boss!" Daffy told the man.

He led the duck up an elevator to a big set of double doors, with a sign reading in big gold letters, "BOSS." They went in. However, the boss's face was in the shadows and unseen. In a deep, menacing voice, the boss asked, "What do you want?"

Daffy angrily said, "I demand you to PUT MY CLASSICS, as well as the rest of the Looney Tunes, BACK ON BOOMERANG!"

"Why do you want this?" the boss asked.

"Because I want people to remember me! And I want kids of today's generation to laugh at my cartoons, and none of this new crap… including that 'Dexter's Laboratory!'"

The boss simply said, "Another anti-Cartoon Network hippie trying to get Looney Tunes back on our networks… it is hopeless." He then looked at his watch, for his arms were the only features of the boss that were out of the shadows. "Let's get this over with. I have a dinner engagement in a few hours."

Daffy began to complain, "Oh, I used to have many dinner engagements a month. I was the toast of the town. Everyone wanted my autograph, and when I walk down the street, everyone stares at me in awe. You know why?"

" No… why?"

Daffy then shouted, "BECAUSE I AM DAFFY DUCK! DAFFY THE DARN OLD DUCK! And THIS is how you repay me after all these years? You PULL ME FROM YOUR SCHEDULE?! And replace me with a STUPID CARTOON, from the NINETIES, about a BOY AND HIS LABORATORY and his STUPID OLDER SISTER, that is NOT FUNNY AT ALL AND COMPLETELY ABYSMAL?!"

The boss seemed to be frustrated at Daffy's anti-Dexter talk. "You know, I wish you'd stop badmouthing 'Dexter's Laboratory.' He was our first biggest star…" he began.

"Wrong! I'M your biggest star!" Daffy interrupted. "I came before the Powerpuff Girls! I came before 'Codename: Kids Next Door!' I came before 'Teen Titans!' I came before 'Juniper Lee,' 'Billy and Mandy,' 'Ed Edd and Eddy,' 'Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends,' 'Wulin Warriors,' 'Zatch Bell,' 'Naruto,' and 'Justice League!' Heck, I even came before Bugs Bunny and Scooby-Doo! SEE HOW IMPORTANT I AM?!"

In less than a minute, the boss tossed Daffy duck out the window of the building, and, since he couldn't fly very well, he landed on the wet sidewalk with a SPLAT. "And don't let me catch you around the premises again!" the boss called, before shutting the window.

As thunder crashed loudly, Daffy yelled over the noise, "YOU'LL GET YOURS! AND DEXTER, TOO!" He walked off, muttering, "Even a guy who's important becomes a pariah eventually…"

But back in the office, the boss picked up a phone, saying, "I think I'd better call Dexter. It seems we have trouble…"

Later, inside a bar, Daffy was drinking out of a small glass of alcoholic beverage. He said, sounding a bit drunk, "Now, don't get me wrong, OK? I was once one of the biggest cartoon stars ever. Now I am jobless, and my show has been replaced with this horrible cartoon called 'Dexter's Laboratory,' which is NOTHING like Hanna-Barbera."

The bartender glared at Daffy. "Are you bashing my son's favorite cartoon?!" he asked menacingly.

Daffy, sweating a bit, nervously said, "Heh, heh… has he ever watched any of my films before?"

"Yes, he used to, until he discovered a little gender of animation called, 'action-adventure,'" the bartender said. "Now, BEAT IT, you bum!" And with that, he literally booted Daffy out the front door of the tavern.

Meanwhile at the Cartoon Network building, inside the boss's office, he was talking to that little boy genius himself, Dexter!

"Now, Dexter…" the boss began. "You may be wondering why I am calling you here. I want to let you know that we are having a minor problem with your new timeslots on Boomerang…"

"What is it?" Dexter asked. "My parents are waiting in the hallway and they left Dee-Dee in the car!"

The boss continued, "Well… it seems that one of the stars of the Looney Tunes, the cartoon that your show replaced, is really mad at you about this."

"Don't tell me… is it Bugs Bunny?" Dexter guessed.

"No, it is Daffy Duck," the boss said.

"Oh, nonsense! I never cared for that duck. He's always being a jerk!"

"I agree. So I feel that we should…" the boss began, but was interrupted by the sound of tires screeching, followed by smashing noises and more revving sounds, as Dee-Dee was heard giggling.

"OH NO!" Dexter yelled. "Mom and Dad must have left the keys in there, and Dee-Dee's not old enough to drive! Please excuse me for a moment!" Dexter pushed a button and a jet pack came out of the back of his lab coat. The boss opened the window and Dexter flew outside.


	2. Chapter 2 Wile E's New Roomate

Chapter Two

Wile E's New Roommate

Daffy Duck approached a house in the desert. The mailbox read "Wile E. Coyote - Super Genius" on it. Inside the house, Wile E. Coyote was cooking himself a meal: The opened "Colonel Buck's Almost-Road-Runner (Ingredients: Morphed Turkey.)" The doorbell rang and Daffy shouted, "Open up, bub! It's me, Daffy, and it's been a long time!" Wile E. Coyote went and answered the door. But as soon as he opened it, Daffy pounced on the coyote and pinned him to the ground.

"TRAITOR! Don't you know that all your original classics are now CANCELED!" Daffy screamed. "OFF THE AIR? BANISHED FROM BOOMERANG!"

Wile E. replied in his English accented-voice, "Yes, yes I heard."

The duck continued, "Well, HOW DO YOU LIKE IT! You go around like nothing bad's happening while that stupid little nerd, DEXTER, takes over your timeslot?"

"I say, I don't even HAVE Boomerang!" the coyote admitted. "I also don't really like Dexter himself."

"HOW DO YOU STILL MAKE MONEY?" Daffy yelled. "HOW… DO… YOU… DO IT!"

Wile E. Coyote began, "Well, in case you haven't noticed, I created my own little production company. It is 'Wile E. Coyote Production Services.'" He held out a business card. "As you know, I have retired from Warner Bros. Animation, but I can still be in business if anyone wants me to make an appearance in their show. Why, last summer I did an appearance in 'Family Guy!'"

"That's nice, but I'M NOW OUT OF WORK!" Daffy said angrily.

"Well, I gotta eat, don't I?"

Daffy then broke down and tugged on Wile E's furry chest. "Can I please stay here, Wile E? I got no place to go!" the duck sobbed.

Wile E. simply shrugged. 20 minutes later, Daffy made himself comfortable in Wile E's large red chair.

"They repossessed my house! Big surprise, those smug idiots." Daffy whined. "And I also got into some fights with the people of Cartoon Network. That's how I got THESE!" He pointed to a nasty bump near his neck and showed a couple of missing teeth.

However, Wile E. Coyote seemed to not be able to take it anymore. He pleaded, "Stop doing this to yourself! Do you wanna end up like Bugs Bunny, who is in the streets and broke?"

Daffy Duck said in a low voice, "It's Dexter's Lab. It's been sent by the devil to destroy me. Cartoon Network, and Boomerang… is the face of evil. But… I think I have a plan."

"Oh no…" Wile E. said. Then the duck whispered the plan to the coyote, which gave a shocked expression.

Daffy then closed out saying, "And do you promise not to tell anyone?"

"I won't," Wile E. Coyote said, slightly guilty.


	3. Chapter 3 Cartoon Network Comrades

Chapter Three

Cartoon Network Comrades

A couple of days later, Dexter was turning a little screw on a metal block with a wrench in his laboratory. His cell phone suddenly rang out and he answered. "Hello?"

In Wile E's house, Daffy was calling Dexter. He perfectly disguised his voice and lisp. He said, "Hello, I am Dunn Mopes, on behalf of the Benefit of Children's Programming, or BCP for short. We're having a banquet in a few hours and we are inviting you and your sister to come. We also have invited the Kids Next Door and everyone at Foster's Imaginary Friend home and the Teen Titans. Can you attend?"

On the other side of the line, Dexter happily said, "Sure thing!" He hung up. Daffy rubbed his hands together in delight, and opened the door to the basement. Downstairs were the Kids Next Door, the Teen Titans, Mac, Frankie, Bloo and Mr. Herriman the rabbit! They had worried expressions on their faces.

Daffy called down in his normal voice, "All right, I'm going to take a shower! If the phone or doorbell rings, answer it, and I have unlocked the basement door for you just in case! Oh, and DON'T try to escape, since I am going to shower in the bathroom with a window facing the front of the house, so I'll know!" And then he slammed the door.

Footsteps were heard. Another door opened, and then shut. The sound of fabrics rustling was heard, with a zipping sound. Then another door shut. The doorbell then rang. "I'll get it," Frankie said, running up the stairs.

At the door was a well-dressed brown dog with a big black nose and black ears. He was wearing a green business suit and black shoes. This was obviously Daffy Duck in disguise; wearing the brown dog costume he wore when tricking Elmer into thinking it was fox season rather than duck season. He said in his disguised voice, "Hello, I am here to pick you and the other Cartoon Network stars up. I am Dunn Mopes, as you know. Where are the others? The banquet starts in an hour and a half."

Frankie told Mopes, "Ah, they are downstairs. I'll show ya and you can pick them up there."

"Certainly," Mopes said. Then he chuckled evilly.

Later, Daffy Duck/Dunn Mopes the Dog was driving Dexter and Dee-Dee to the banquet. The two kids were seated in the backseat, with Dee-Dee playing with the power windows. As she opened and closed them, she chanted, "Up, down! Up, down! Up, down!"

"Thank you for driving us down to this place, Mr. Mopes. It's really nice of you." Dexter began.

"Don't be silly," Mopes said. "The chance to have you and your sister attend our little soirée? I'd carry you piggyback through a bed of rusty old blades if I had to."

Dexter told Mopes, "Maybe that's a little graphic… but it's a pleasure to help out a worthy cause. I do know that being on TV is not all glamour and happiness."

"You know, I LOVE your show, by the way! It's such a refreshing change of pace from those dreadful retarded cartoons from Warner Brothers… what's its name again? Spoony… Melody…" the disguised Daffy lied, pretending to be confused.

"Ah, it was Looney Tunes, Mr. Mopes," Dexter said.

"Yes, the Looney Tunes! And that Daffy Duck, he's a scoundrel! Probably gay, too."

"Well, ah, I feel kinda sorry for him," the boy genius said. "He has issues that he might need counseling for."

Mopes then said, getting frustrated, "Yeah, but don't you take a particular GLEE in the fact that you practically stole the Looney Tunes' old timeslot? Helped shovel dirt on Daffy's miserable corpse, as it were?"

"No, I'd never take pleasure in someone's downfall, unless it's my rival, Mandark. You know the old expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes? Well, I…" Dexter began.

Daffy then screamed, in his real voice, "OH, COME ON! HE'S A STUPID OLD IDIOT AND A DUMB JERK THAT IS GOING TO SOON BE FORGOTTEN, YOU HEAR?! YOU COMPLETELY HATE HIM! ADMIT IT!!!"

Dexter and Dee-Dee got an odd look. There was a beat, as Daffy/Mopes continued driving steadily in his dog suit and head. "Uh… can we listen to the radio?" Dexter asked.

Eventually, the car drove over to an old warehouse. The rest of the cartoon characters "Mopes" lured to the event were standing there. Mr. Herriman the Rabbit said, "I say, I don't think a tractor warehouse is the right place for a children's programming banquet."

Daffy Duck reentered from a door to the stage, still in full costume as Mopes. He said in his disguised voice, "Well, we like to keep it no frills. They are ready for all of you!"

"I'll hop to that!" Beast Boy said. And with that, he transformed into a green, realistic kangaroo and hopped around a bit.

"You remind me of an old friend of mine who's a kangaroo when you do that," Mopes told Beast Boy/the Kangaroo. He then opened the door a crack.

An announcer began talking on the other side, "It gives me great pleasure to introduce a special guest, a supporter for…"

"Go on, quick, you guys are on!" Mopes said, quickly shoving the 'toons onto the stage and then running off again.

The announcer finished, "…our representatives from Cartoon Network!"

As everyone in the audience applauded, Dee-Dee hollered into the microphone, "HELLO NEW JERSY!" There was a big blaring spotlight shining onto the toons while the rest of the auditorium was pitch black; the audience in the shadows.

Dexter then tapped on the microphone and began, "Yes, yes, it is a pleasure to see you all here. But… these people sound OLD to me."

Backstage, Mopes was watching. He said, in his real voice, "Now to crank up the house lights, and boy, will those suckers get a surprise!" And with that, Mopes pressed his fingers against the top of his muzzle, and then he grabbed the back of his head and began slowly peeling off his face! He grunted loudly as he stretched his face upwards, and then his dog head, which was nothing but a latex mask, slipped right off with a loud "POP," revealing Daffy Duck, of course! He began pushing a lever upward, with a sign above reading "HOUSE LIGHTS." Onstage, the spotlight went out and then the house lights faded up, revealing the audience was all a bunch of middle-aged, male Russian soldiers! An old Russian anthem began playing on the speakers.

"AAAAAAAH! They're all OLD MEN!" Dee-Dee screamed.

Numbah Three said sadly, "Oh dear…"

All of the men began doing a Russian chant. A giant version of the National Russian flag came down right behind the poor 'toons! Suddenly, Robin pointed over somewhere and shouted "LOOK!"

All the 'toons turned and saw Daffy/Mopes, who was smoothing and massaging the brown dog mask back onto his head. He said, resuming the disguised voice, "YES! And you are now DONE FOR! Woo-hoo!" Then he ran off and outside the building. The police then crashed through one of the doors.

"This is an unlawful assembly, Russian scumbags! You're all under arrest, including those cartoons onstage!" the police chief yelled through a megaphone.

Dexter and Dee-Dee and the other toons were put in handcuffs, and they were arrested. At the Cartoon Network offices, a bunch of reporters were interviewing the boss, whom was still sitting at his desk in the shadows. "Here, we are now making Cartoon Network a thing of the past," the boss told the reporters. "Until we can find a suitable replacement, it will be safely occupied by 24-hour-a-day Emergency Alert System tests."

However, this seemed to please Daffy. He was still at Wile E. Coyote's house. On a hook on the front of a door labeled "COSTUMES AND DISGUISES" were the Mopes dog costume and mask, limp and lifeless. Daffy was watching what was once Cartoon Network. On it now was the Emergency Broadcast system logo and a loud, continuous beep. After the tone, an announcer said, "This is a test of the Emergency Alert System. Had there been an actual emergency, official messages would have followed the alert tone…" Daffy shouted, quite pleased, "YES!!! Now how about Boomerang?"

He checked on the TV listings on the Internet and found out that the Emergency Alert System was being tested there, too!

Daffy switched off the TV and ran outside, happily yelling, "Yes! AT LAST!!!"

He happily danced down the city streets ala Gene Kelly. Then he jumped toward a big German Shepard someone was walking. "Hi there, Pooch!" But the dog snarled and barked like crazy at Daffy. The duck then ran over to a little kid riding a scooter. He cooed, "Well, aren't you the cutest boo-boo in the world?"

The baby suddenly cried, "WAAAAAAAH! MAMA! MAMA! A STRANGER!" The baby's angry mother ran in and whacked Daffy with her purse!

Then Daffy found a rose and picked it (though a sign clearly reads "DON'T PICK THE FLOWERS") and gave it to an old man. "For you, sir! May you live to be a hundred! Woo-hoo!" Daffy said, and bounced off like crazy, "woo-hoo"ing all the way.


	4. Chapter 4 The Discovery

Chapter Four

The Discovery

Later, Daffy decided to go see the Cartoon Network boss again. But when he entered, the boss, who still sat in the shadows, sighed and said, "Now what do you want?"

"Well, here's the good news," Daffy began. "I'll be happy to end my sabbatical and earn my old time slot back. We'll call Sander Schwartz and tell him the old duck is back! And we'll bring back Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig and the rest."

The boss didn't have any interest in it. "You've got three seconds to get out of my office before I call security again."

But Daffy explained, "Well, now that Dexter and the other new Cartoon Network stars are gone, you need that channel filled and I'm here to reclaim what's rightfully mine!"

"Just in case you forgot, you're not liked anymore and you are disrespectful," the boss told Daffy.

"But the public is clamoring for me!" Daffy said. "I'm a PATRIOT, compared to Dexter and Dee-Dee! They're RUSSIANS! Probably gay, too. You should have seen the way they were checking me out in the car."

The boss suddenly sounded suspicious. He asked, "What car?"

Daffy nearly spilled the beans. So he began explaining, "No… It… it's a homosexual vibe, it emanates from the TV, and what about Dexter's big horn-rimmed glasses, I mean, what's that all about?" He was talking at a slightly fast pace.

"You are talking awfully fast," the boss said.

"Who's talking fast? I'm not talking fast!"

"Were you at that rally?" the boss asked angrily. "Did you have something to do with this?"

"Ah…" Daffy stalled. He wasn't sure what to say now.

"Did you set the Cartoon Network stars up?" That was it. The cat was out of the bag.

"ALL RIGHT!" Daffy screamed. He fell to the ground and wailed, "I ADMIT IT! I WAS THE ONE IN CHARGE! THE WHOLE THING WAS MY IDEA! THAT DUNN MOPES GUY WAS ONLY ME WEARING A RUBBER SUIT!"

"Well, in that case…" the boss said, pressing a button on his desk. A big, burly thug entered and grabbed Daffy by the neck, tossing him out the window once again! He landed with a thud.

The next morning, the newspaper headline read, "CARTOON NETWORK SET UP! DAFFY BEHIND RUSSIA PLOT! Planned to destroy the cable animation channel's reputation." Daffy Duck was now voted "the most-hated cartoon character in America." In Wile E's house, Daffy was sitting on the couch, wearing an old bathrobe and eating cheese doodles and watching TV. He kept angrily tossing a cheese doodle onto the floor. On the TV, the news reporters were happy about Cartoon Network's return. Clips from "Dexter's Laboratory" kept popping up during the broadcast. "Cartoon Network is back, and boy, did we miss it," one anchorman began.

The second said, "Yes, Betty, and the popularity of 'Dexter's Laboratory' is now stronger than ever, thanks to his recent exoneration as a Russian Comrade sympathizer. There is talk that new episodes will soon be in production and…"

Daffy mumbled, "Shut up… too much for the brain… pressure building… ears ringing… eyes burning… can't take it anymore…" Then he screamed. "AAAAAAAARGH!" He jumped up and knocked over the TV with his foot! He began smashing it with a large mallet. He continued hitting it until the TV was completely dead. The duck kept shouting, "DIE! DIE, YOU NERD! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID SISTER! I HATE YOUR COTTON-PICKING LABORATORY! DIE!"

Wile E. Coyote heard the crashes from upstairs and he ran downstairs to see Daffy and the TV, which was now in pieces. He was shocked. He said angrily, "What have you DONE? That's a picture-in-picture!™" He then noticed the cheese doodles on the ground. "And look at this place! That's it! I want you out of here!"

"But where am I supposed to go?" Daffy asked desperately.

" I don't care! OUT!" Wile E. Coyote shouted as he shoved Daffy Duck out the door.


	5. Chapter 5 The Big Jump

Chapter Five

Daffy's Still Sulking (or The Big Jump)

Daffy was walking down the street, clad only in a ratty old trenchcoat and slippers. He came upon a table with a man and a jar of money. The sign read "SAVE DEXTER'S LABORATORY." The man shouted out, "Save Dexter's Laboratory! Save the show! Save Dexter's Laboratory! Save it from being canceled and help put it back in production! Save…"

Daffy pounced on the man and knocked over the table in the process. He grabbed hold of the man and yelled in his face, "I'M the one who needs to be saved! My cartoons are now off TV! My friend kicked me out and I'm broke! And you're letting that DEXTER take over my timeslot! Save Daffy Duck! SAVE DAFFY DUCK!" He then ran off.

He then grabbed a megaphone and ran over to the edge of a large bridge over a busy harbor with rushing water. He shouted into the megaphone, "ATTENTION, EVERYONE! You are about to hear a shocking story of injustice! You all must listen!" By now a crowd began to gather around Daffy. "THIS is the story of a boy genius in his laboratory and his aggressive campaign to defame, eclipse and villainize my good name! But at least he can't take away my life! Only I have the power to do that!" Daffy Duck continued. He pointed over to the raging water below. The crowd grew larger.

"THIS is what Dexter has done to me!" Daffy angrily said. "I can no longer live in a world where the innocent suffer and the wicked thrive! You shall never see another Daffy Duck in your lifetime! THIS IS FOR YOU, DEXTER!" And with that, he reared up and prepared to jump off the bridge into the water below.

" NO!" a man yelled. But then he noticed something elsewhere. It was the Hi-Hi Puffy AmiYumi cast! "Hey, look! It's Puffy AmiYumi!" The crowd just cheered and ran off to see them,

"Hey, wait!" Daffy yelled to the crowd. "Don't you all want to see me do… YAAAAAUGH!" Unfortunately, the duck lost his balance and fell over the bridge! He landed with a splash!

However, since he could swim, he climbed up back to the edge of the bridge, all soaking-wet and slightly bruised. He began to walk off until he heard a voice.

"LOOK! THERE HE IS!"

Daffy Duck turned and saw a big angry mob marching down the street ala the "Beat It" music video. "EXCUSE me! I gotta get through!" Daffy said to the crowd. Just then, the mob began running and shouting at Daffy! They grabbed the poor duck and plucked some feathers off of him and tossed him into a trashcan.

Inside the trashcan, Daffy found a newspaper. It read… "CARTOON CHICKEN SHOT! CO-STAR OF 'COW AND CHICKEN' GOT BOOM-BOOM TREATMENT. Daffy suspected in shooting of fowl." The duck was shocked!

Daffy decided to call Wile E. Coyote. He got onto a pay phone and talked with him. "BUT I DIDN'T DO IT! You got to believe me!" he told Wile E.

"The paper says you were the mastermind," Wile E. said. He held up a few papers with Dexter getting squashed, Kids Next Door getting beaten, etc. "They found drawings of you torturing Cartoon Network stars."

"HELLO! I was taking an unexpected bath when it all happened! And besides, the paper says Chicken is alive and survived the shootings! Plus, the only Cartoon Network star I'd torture is DEXTER!"

The coyote gave in and said, "Yes, I can see the trouble, poor chap. But they'll find you if you come back to my place. We'd better go underground."

Daffy made himself comfortable the attic of an old ACME building. A makeshift living area was made up. Daffy Duck sat there wrapped up in a sheet. Then Wile E. Coyote came over with a totebag. "You're gonna have to stay put here," the coyote explained. "Every cop in town is now looking for you. And Chicken isn't well enough to say whom it was who shot him."

The duck said in a low voice, "Well, I guess it's time to heal. To accept the fact that Dexter's Laboratory has won and gracefully march forward."

" I'm glad for you. I brought you lunch… they're chicken strips." Wile E. said, taking out a fast-food bag.

"Thanks," Daffy calmly said. "You know, I could have tried posing as Danger Duck of 'Loonatics Unleashed.' That might have gotten me somewhere."

"I don't think so," Wile E. told Daffy. "You remember last Halloween when I passed myself off as Scooby-Doo?"

This was true, since last Halloween; while the streets were full of little trick-or-treaters, Wile E. Coyote dressed up in a realistic Scooby-Doo costume bodysuit. He noticed the real Scooby-Doo coming up from a few yards away. The coyote chuckled and pulled a latex Scooby-Doo mask over his own head and smoothed it onto his face until it looked like the real Scooby. He then jumped inside the backseat of his car and shut the door. Scooby-Doo walked by, and Wile E. imitated his actions in full costume behind the open car window. Scooby gave his trademark "Huh?" Then it resulted in the old mirror gag, with the disguised coyote imitating Scooby's movements like a mirror reflection. Even when Scooby-Doo stuck his tongue out and made funny noises, Wile E. did the same. Scooby chuckled, "Eee-hee-HEE-hee-hee-hee-hee! A mirror!"

Just then, the "Scooby-Doo" on the other side of the window reached out and patted Scooby's shoulders. He jumped up and yelped, "Rikes!" He turned to face Wile E. Coyote whom then peeled off his Scooby-Doo mask and started laughing. Scooby laughed, too.

"Yeah, but that was just your Halloween costume," Daffy told Wile E. back in the present.

Wile E. Coyote explained, "That was only for fun, since Scooby-Doo and I are friends. You are enemies with Danger Duck, just as I am with Tech E. Coyote."

Daffy began thinking again. "If only I had another way to get back at Dexter without getting caught…"

The coyote handed a newspaper to Daffy and said, "Well, how about you read the newspaper a bit? I'll also get you some crossword puzzles."

"Thanks…" Daffy smiled. He began reading the newspaper, but was shocked at a headline… "DEE-DEE FRAMES BUGS BUNNY! Sister of 'Dexter's Lab' star sets up former cartoon star rabbit in daring bank robbery!" Daffy begins growling with an enraged look.

"Daffy… you OK?" Wile E. asked cautiously.

But Daffy wasn't all right. He angrily said, "I'm gonna grab that little bugger Dexter… and take him apart…" He began ripping up the newspaper as he continued, "…piece by piece! PIECE BY PIECE!"

A day later, Daffy stormed out of his hiding spot, grumbling to himself. Suddenly, a figure jumped out into his path! The figure was wearing a brown trenchcoat and white gloves. He had the head of a whitish-grayish goat with yellow horns. His eyes were staring right at Daffy. "Psst, hey… I think I can help ya with your problem…" the goat whispered in a gruff, mysterious voice.

Daffy followed the mysterious goat into an alley.


	6. Chapter 6 The Goat Disguise

Chapter Six

The Goat Disguise

Daffy met up with the mysterious goat in the alley. The goat told Daffy in his raspy voice, "I think I have a way you can get back on Dexter and Dee-Dee. But I'll have to help you."

But Daffy Duck asked, sounding slightly odd, "Do I… know you?"

"Of course you do," the goat replied. Then his head tilted backwards a little, appearing a bit rubbery, and then went back to normal position. Then the goat whispered something into Daffy's ear and winked. "So, are you in on me with this?"

Daffy, now eager to go in on the plan, said, "Sure thing, er… I mean, Mr. Goat."

The disguised goat leaned toward Daffy and whispered inaudibly.

…

Inside Dexter's house, Dexter and Dee-Dee were talking with their parents in the family room. "But Mom," Dee-Dee began, "I didn't really set Bugs Bunny up!"

The mom firmly said, "I believe in you, Honey. Now we can go down to the police…"

Suddenly the door burst open and Daffy Duck entered with a giant black pistol! "AHA!" Daffy yelled. "Ah, how cozy. A warm family scene. Now all we need is a GREMLIN! I was a good partner with Bugs Bunny. Now you SEND HIM TO JAIL! You two are BAD GUYS! Not me! They're the bad guys, Mr. and Mrs.…" A truck went by outside, honking its horn and its brakes hissing, dubbing out the parents' last names. Daffy peered out the open front door and gave thumbs-up. The mysterious "goat" was outside, too, giving thumbs-up back.

"But it wasn't really my fault," Dee-Dee began. "I went over to the bank to make a deposit, when I saw a robber! He angrily yelled out for the money and they gave it to him. He was about to run out, but I tried to stop him. The man told me that if I stayed, I could get framed for the robbery. He told me to steal someone from the gutter nearby. I meant to grab this grubby old guy, but I accidentally snatched Bugs Bunny instead!"

"I had my eyes closed as I did it," Dee-Dee continued, "so I didn't really know! So, it was partially my fault, but I meant to frame that other old man instead."

Daffy stared, wide-eyed. "A likely story…" he began, "but you still got my pal in trouble!"

Just then, Dexter pounced on Daffy and grabbed the gun. "Is THIS how you want it to end, Daffy?" Dexter angrily shouted. "A Hansel and Gretel ending? You want to be the big bad witch?"

The duck wailed, "GO AHEAD! Finish me off! I'm nothing! Everything I touch turns to crap!"

"You're not nothing, Daffy," Dexter told Daffy. "You're bitter, misguided, and probably an alcoholic. But you're still Daffy Duck. You made viewers laugh and made them happy." Dexter peered down and saw that the gun wasn't real! The sign said, "ACME Novelties" on it.

"All right… I'm sorry…" Daffy said, calming down, "but I still don't like you."

Dexter replied, "And I still don't like you, either."

Dee-Dee, slightly annoyed, said, "OHHH! Is this a soap opera, or what?"

"Fine, fine. I'll go." Daffy left. He then walked over to the disguised "goat" and said, "Now we break Bugs Bunny out of jail."

"Yeah, bub. I have the perfect plan," the goat told Daffy.

…

Wile E. Coyote was standing next to Daffy, right outside a large old prison building. "So you say a goat told you to break Bugs out of jail?" Daffy nodded. "Well, I guess I should help, then." So the coyote reared up a giant ACME slingshot and shot a large boulder at the prison wall. It crashed right into the stonewall, and then sirens and bells went off. Bugs Bunny ran right out through the hole!

Bugs panted in front of Daffy and Wile E. "Hey, thanks for bustin' me out of the joint. It's only fair since I didn't even do the crime!"

Then they ran off and hid in an old, run-down shack. But before they went in, Wile E. Coyote stopped them. "Wait," he told his friends. "I went into shacks before, and when I struck a match, there was a lot of dynamite in them, and it exploded! So I should go in, first, and I'll use a flashlight." Wile E. opened the door and checked with his flashlight.

He found an old light switch and turned it on. The room was empty, save some chairs, a couple of camp beds, a table, an icebox and a radio. The coyote whispered, "It's safe. Come on!" They all tiptoed into the shack.

"I've been having rough times ever since dose folks at Warner Brothers laid me off and repossessed my house!" Bugs complained to Daffy and Wile E. as they sat in the shack. "It all happened in da Autumn of 2004. Dey kicked me out of my mansion and den dose Kids Next Door moved in! Da Cartoon Network representative threw me out into da street. I've been poor ever since, and I've been living in da gutter. All I eat is old rotten garbage, and I'm lucky if I find a carrot in da trash can."

"Jeez, you think YOU have it bad?" Daffy said. "I've been kicked out of my home once they replaced my timeslot and…"

Bugs exploded. "WHAAAAAAAT?!" He grabbed the duck. "Who replaced my old timeslot? WHO?"

Wile E. sadly broke it to the rabbit. "It was… 'Dexter's Laboratory.'"

"NO! That's crazy!" Bugs said.

Daffy asked, sounding a bit annoyed, "Now, will you PLEASE let me finish my story?"

"Sure, sure…" Bugs Bunny said, calming down a bit.

"I've been vowing revenge on Dexter and his other cast members ever since," Daffy continued. "I set up Dexter and Dee-Dee and the Cartoon Network gang and accused them of being Russian comrades. But then that stupid jerk boss over at CN found out the truth. I practically became a pariah!"

"Plus, I had Daffy live with me for a bit, until he made a mess of my place. He broke my TV!" Wile E. Coyote added.

The duck explained, "Then I had to go underground, because I was the prime suspect for the shooting of the Chicken of the 'Cow and Chicken' show!"

Bugs angrily said, "I KNOW it wasn't you who did it! Plus, I know the prime suspect… it is SYLVESTER!"

"No way!" Daffy gasped, shocked.

"Gee…" the coyote said, astounded.


	7. Chapter 7 Sylvester's Trial

Chapter Seven

Sylvester's Trial

Bugs and Daffy and Wile E. were standing in front of Sylvester, who was still in his trenchcoat and his rubber goat mask. They were right under a railroad trestle, and a freight train rattled overhead. "So THAT'S why you're undercover," Daffy Duck told the figure.

"Listen, bub, I didn't mean to kill him…" the goat tried to explain, in his raspy disguised voice.

Bugs chimed in. "We know it was you! I knew from da start!" By now a small crowd began forming.

"Yeah, but I was only trying to get a meal," Sylvester said.

"What are you talking about?" a man asked them.

Wile E. Coyote cleared his throat and explained, "It seems we had found your culprit on who shot Chicken. And it is not Daffy… the gunman is right HERE!" He pointed at the masked cat.

A woman, sounding confused, asked, "Why would a goat shoot a chicken?"

The disguised "goat" began, "Well, there is a good explanation for this. I didn't really shoot him, it was an accident, I mean, why would you see a goat do something…"

"But he's NOT a goat!" Wile E. shouted. "Take a look for yourself." And with that, he turned the goat facing backward and partially pulled up his trenchcoat, revealing Sylvester's black fur and tail!

The crowd gasped. One of them shouted, "It's SYLVESTER!"

Another said, "We should have known it was a Looney Tune!"

"What a convincing disguise!"

Now a SWAT team car drove right in and skidded to a stop. The back doors opened and the SWAT members ran out. One said, "All right, 'goat.' You're under arrest." He put Sylvester in handcuffs and put him in the wagon and they drove off. Sylvester was still in his goat disguise.

…

Later, at the "CARTOON COURTHOUSE," everyone was seated. Daffy sat over at the front. Wile E. Coyote sat with Scooby-Doo. Bugs also sat next to Scooby, but he was scowling at him a bit. Other 'toons were there. They included Cow and Chicken, of course. But Dexter was there, too, and Johnny Bravo and the Powerpuff Girls. The Cartoon Network boss, still shadowy, was on a TV screen near the judge's podium. Also there, was Porky Pig, Tweety, Speedy Gonzales, the Tasmanian Devil, Hippety Hopper, Sam the Cat, Sniffles, Merlin the Magic Mouse, Foghorn Leghorn, Hector and Granny. Sylvester was seated at one table next to a lawyer; Chicken at the other. "Honor in the court!" a man shouted. "Here come da judge, now rise!"

I.M. Weasel stepped up to the podium, wearing a black robe and old-fashioned white wig. He pounded the gavel and said, "Order in the court! Be seated."

Everyone sat down. Weasel continued, "Now, we must make this quick. I have a date in an hour. Now, bring in the prosecutor!"

Everyone turned and saw Elmer Fudd enter the room. He said, "I call to the stand… Sylvester!"

So Sylvester walked up to the stand and began explaining. "Now, I don't nor I ever did have a grudge or anything like that against Chicken. But I WAS hungry, though. You know how I usually like to get birds or mice just to eat them, say, Tweety or Foghorn Leghorn. So I decided to make Chicken my lunch! So I pulled the trigger, but he flinched so the gun only hit his side. He was lucky, though, and he escaped. If I DID kill him, I'd clean him and deep-fry him and then enjoy him as a meal!"

Just then Chicken shot up. "It's true! He was only trying to eat me! It's natural for a cat to do that."

I.M. Weasel scratched his chin. "Yes, I see your point. Jury, do you have a verdict?"

A man in the jury said in a bored-sounding, droning voice, "Yes, we find the defendant, Sylvester, innocent."

The crowd of Looney Tunes cheered. But the Cartoon Network boss on the screen growled, "Sylvester may have won this time, but those Looney Tunes are someday going to make a mistake!"

…

"So you decided to just try and eat Chicken, eh?" Daffy asked Sylvester. "And THAT'S why you were wearing that disguise, too! Right?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well," Daffy said, "I found out terrible news. Cartoon Network's now gonna start airing LIVE-ACTION CONTENT!"

"No way!" Wile E. Coyote replied, obviously shocked.

Bugs Bunny said, "We've got to do something about it!"

"Forget it," Daffy said to Bugs. "They're not gonna allow us on the premises."

Sylvester slyly said, "But we could TRY…"


	8. Chapter 8 Cartoon vs Live Action

Chapter Eight

Cartoons Vs. Live Action

Bugs Bunny entered the Cartoon Network building. Suddenly, a camera spotted the rabbit. Alarms began going off and a sign flashed, "INTRUDER!" A female voice said over a loudspeaker, "Warning! Intruder alert. Warning! Intruder alert." A big, burly thug grabbed Bugs and tossed him out the door.

"Well, that didn't woik," Bugs said. "I'm now an intruder to da Crap-toon Network folks."

Wile E. Coyote got an idea. "Let me try," he said.

He got in past security. Wile E. was able to slink by the guards and up the stairs to the top floor. "No one ever uses the stairs anymore," he said to himself. He also noticed that there weren't any cartoon characters walking around the building anymore. Originally, until 2004, he regularly visited the office. Many 'toons were there, including classic Warner Bros. and Hanna-Barbera stars. Unfortunately in 2004, the WB and H-B 'toons were fired from Cartoon Network, except Scooby-Doo, and the only characters left walking around were current Cartoon Network stars. Now, it was eerily quiet. Only a few occasional office workers would walk by now and then, but they didn't seem to notice him.

The coyote knocked on the boss's private office doors. The boss's menacing voice said, "Come in." When Wile E. entered the room, the boss, still in the dark shadows, was shocked. "Not another Looney Tunes character. What do you want this time?"

"I speak for the cartoon characters, former cartoon characters and upcoming ones that appear on your network," Wile E. Coyote began. "We have noticed that you are starting to air live-action programming on your channel. This seems to be breaking your image, what with your 'all 'toons all the time' policy. Adult Swim's been airing 'Saved by the Bell,' and the regular part has been showing various live-action movies, including one from the Walt Disney Company, 'Honey I Shrunk the Kids.' Many people, including those that are regular fans of your network, have begun to complain and write angry letters."

"Yes. I know about the angry letters," the boss said.

Wile E. pointed over to the window. "Look out there, and you will see what I am talking about."

The boss faced the window. Indeed, a big crowd of people was protesting. Some of the crowd members were Cartoon Network stars! They were chanting, "Cartoon Network will not air cartoons!"

"I'll see what I can do. Now get out of here," the boss shouted. He tossed Wile E. Coyote out the window, which was still closed; making a loud crashing sound, and then the coyote fell in front of the protesters.

Bugs Bunny ran up to him. "What happened, doc?" he asked.

Wile E. explained, "Oh, you know that Cartoon Network boss."

Scooby-Doo walked up and said, "I can't believe rey won't air cartoons!"

"I'm glad you're joining forces with us," the coyote said, shaking Scooby's hand.

"Sorry, but I'm going to protest to Warner about my roo design!" He held up a picture. It had a crudely-drawn Scooby-Doo that an even cruder Shaggy was holding.

"Oh my!" Wile E. was speechless. "Good luck Scooby," he said, patting Scooby's shoulders.

"You too!" Scooby said, bounding away with the picture.

Daffy then chimed in, "I'm going to go over to Pixar now and give them a piece of my mind!"

Mandy from "Grim and Evil" walked up to Wile E. and asked, "Uh, why is Daffy going over to Pixar? Does he have a reason?"

The coyote sighed and said, "Yes. He's mad at Pixar for having their 'Finding Nemo' beat our 'Back in Action' movie at the Annie Awards."

" 'Finding Nemo?'" Mandy was surprised. "That's Pixar's crowning achievement!"

"I don't think so," Wile E. admitted. "It's too much like every other Pixar film. In my opinion, it ties with 'Monsters Inc.' for not being the best Pixar movie. The plot is basically the same as 'Toy Story,' plus it's like every other CGI animated movie about there, being about talking animals that go on adventures."

But Mandy countered, "YOU'RE a talking animal."

"That is true," Wile E. Coyote told Mandy, "but I am an _anthropomorphic_ animal. The animal stars of those films, like 'Madagascar' and 'Finding Nemo' and 'Over The Hedge' and 'Ice Age' and, to a lesser extent, 'The Wild,' which I think is simply a plagiarized version of 'Madagascar,' those animals are more like regular ones, except they have human voices and their anthropomorphism level is very low. The anthropomorphic ones, like me and the rest of the Looney Tunes, stand on two legs, act human, and sometimes even wear clothes. But that doesn't mean I'm still not really an animal. Why else do you think I want to catch and eat the Road Runner all the time?"

"Oh." Mandy said. "But what about 'Hercules?' That beat the previous film, 'Space Jam' at the Annie Awards."

Wile E. began, "Well, Daffy tried to complain to the Walt Disney Company about that, but they wouldn't let him into Eisner's office. Plus, I don't really criticize 'Hercules' that much. It was directed by the two great modern-day Disney directors: John Musker and Ron Clements."

Billy ran up and said, "Ooh, the same directors of 'Aladdin' and 'The Little Mermaid' and 'The Great Mouse Detective?' And my favorite… 'TREASURE PLANET!'"

"You know, for a Warner Bros. cartoon star you know a lot about Disney," Mandy told Wile E.

The coyote explained, "I have begun researching about Disney. Chuck Jones revealed the secret to me before his death, that he and Carl Stalling were former Disney employees. I mostly specialize in the Disney Classics made before the late-90s. Anyways, back on the topic of Daffy's revenge. He feels 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action" was better work than 'Space Jam.' I agree, too, despite me being squashed by a crate, scorched by a missile, and blown up in a train wreck."

Mandy said, "Speaking of train wrecks, 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action" was a train wreck at the box-office, compared to the success of 'Space Jam.'"

"See?" Wile E. pointed out. "The CGI films are always making it big at box-office, while the traditionally-animated films flop! And people are now just using traditional animation as an excuse for poor storytelling! And I believe Daffy is going to get into BIG trouble at Pixar…"


	9. Chapter 9 Daffy vs Pixar

Chapter Nine

Daffy Vs. Pixar

DISCLAIMER: Everything Pixar is now currently owned by the Walt Disney Company, and so is Donald Duck.

Everyone at Pixar Animation Studios was celebrating. Their "Cars" movie was immediately Number One at box-office! A goofy-looking guy proclaimed, "WE ARE THE KING OF ANIMATION!"

A woman pulled him down and said, "Bobby, you are SUCH a dork."

At the boss's desk, a middle-aged man, who wasn't menacing-looking and in the shadows like the Cartoon Network boss, answered his intercom. "What is it?"

"We have a former cartoon star who looks enraged wanting to see you," the woman on the other side said.

Daffy entered the office, running in a rage. He jumped on the man and grabbed his shirt. "Your films are killing my popularity! The Pixar films are always number one at box-office, and the public will not watch anything that's hand-drawn animation anymore! They only prefer YOUR films, or DreamWorks or 20th Century Fox, or even that studio that made 'Valiant!'"

"What are you talking about? I don't really remember you," the guy said.

"Of COURSE you can't remember me," Daffy screamed. "I'm a CLASSIC TRADITIONAL-ANIMATED CARTOON STAR! They are becoming forgotten, like all the others! I am DAFFY DUCK!"

"THE Daffy Duck? What are you doing here at Pixar?"

"To complain about your popularity! You guys are practically the KINGS AND QUEENS of animation now!"

The man was confused. "Uh… does this have anything to do with one of our films eclipsing one of yours?"

"YES!" Daffy shouted angrily. "Your 'Finding Nemo' beat MY classic, 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action,' at all the animated film awards! Except for the Oscars, for which I wasn't nominated!"

"How could you say that about 'Finding Nemo?'" The man was a bit annoyed now.

Daffy yelled, "That movie SUCKED! It was just like every other Pixar movie! Here's what basically happens in most of them: A character gets separated and meets up with some other character, and most of the time a group tries to find the separated character, they come across trouble and meet new characters, they find him or her, big whoop!"

"Oh, no…" The Pixar boss was shocked. "This can't be happening!"

"And not only that," Daffy added, "like almost every other animated CGI movie, it features TALKING ANIMALS that go on adventures! Just like 'Ice Age' and 'Over the Hedge' and… ah, you know!"

The man then pointed out, "But YOU'RE a talking animal."

Daffy said, "True, but my scale in anthropomorphism is high while THEIR scale is… aaah, just look at the last chapter!"

"What chapter?"

"Forget it." Daffy told the man. "My point is, that stupid fish and his friends got more publicity than Bugs Bunny and I did!"

"I figured this would have traumatized you," the man said.

"It did." A voice came from the door. It was Wile E. Coyote.

The man was shocked. "What the f…"

"BOOP!" Daffy shouted, dubbing out the boss's swear.

Wile E. explained. "I knew Daffy was going to cause trouble at Pixar. It's a very sad story. It was at the Annie Awards in 2004. I watched it on TV. Daffy was there with Bugs, and so was Marlin and his friend that wouldn't shut up, the Brother Bear bears and moose, Sinbad, the Simpsons, the Fairly Oddparents and more. I could clearly hear Daffy muttering to himself, hoping he would get the Annie award for 'Outstanding Achievement in an Animated Feature Production,' which 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action' was nominated for. Unfortunately, when they announced 'Finding Nemo' had won, Bugs Bunny fainted. But Daffy went crazy! His eyes bugged out, his veins stuck out, and he was a total wreck! He was screaming hysterically as he ripped up his seat, tried to steal the Annie trophy, and he also tried to smash the fish tank with the 'Finding Nemo cast!' It was chaos!"

"They took me and temporarily shut me up in a prison for some time. Then they released me after a few weeks," Daffy told the guy at the desk.

"Plus," Wile E. added, "now that they removed his cartoons off of Boomerang, he vows revenge on 'Dexter's Laboratory' and the Cartoon Network people. He has also become an alcoholic ever since the Annie disaster. He still doesn't get it that alcohol isn't the answer to life's problems. Well, I suppose it's all right in small doses; I sometimes drink wine. But Daffy doesn't take it in small doses that much lately. Why I remember once I accidentally drank too much wine at a wrap party for 'Roger Rabbit,' I was so groggy I was staggering around, calling everything 'jolly good' and then I began ogling with Jessica Rabbit! Roger Rabbit tossed me in a dumpster after that. The same thing could happen to Daffy."

Daffy yelled, "PLEASE stop talking about me drinking! I can cut down like THAT!" He threw his bottle of alcoholic beverage into a garbage can." He then noticed a familiar face. "Say… isn't that Donald Duck over there?"

Donald then ran in and shouted in his squawky voice, "HEY! WAT'S DA BIG IDEEA?"

"Well look, if it isn't the hard-to-understand duck!"

But Donald countered, "Hard to understand? YOO have a LISP!"

"But at least MY voice is at a normal pitch," Daffy told his old rival. "YOUR voice is too squeaky!"

"Let's not start THAT again…" Donald was highly annoyed.

Daffy then prepared to open a bag. "I got a couple of pianos if you wanna…"

"NO PIANOS!" Donald screamed. "Gosh! Daffy's such a stupid stubborn…" He stormed off angrily.

"Well that sure showed him." Daffy was happy.

The coyote couldn't help but smile. "I must admit, your rivalry with Donald Duck is quite amusing."

"But now I have BIGGER rivals!" Daffy complained. "Pixar and Cartoon Network."

"YOU TWO!" The man behind the desk yelled. "GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! AND DONALD DUCK, TOO!"

Daffy, Donald and Wile E. were both immediately kicked out of the Pixar studios. Then Lightning McQueen drove up and screeched to a stop next to the three 'toons.

"Whassamatta? You guys been kicked out of business?" The car laughed and zoomed away."

Daffy shouted back, "OH YEAH? I'M TRYING TO FIND A JOB, WILE E. RETIRED, DONALD IS STILL WORKING…"

"Give it a rest." Wile E. Coyote told Daffy.

"Say," Daffy thought out loud. "I wonder how it's going with the Cartoon Network protest."


	10. Chapter 10 Daffy's Scrooge

Chapter Ten

Daffy's Scrooge

Upon returning to the Cartoon Network offices, they found that the crowd had left. The protest signs were still on the ground. A big, angry guard dog was standing right there, snarling.

Wile E. shook his head and said, "The boss must have scared the protesters away. That dolt."

Suddenly a giant, gray wolf ran into view and scared away the guard dog. The wolf then transformed back into Beast Boy. "Hey, Daffy! The boss sent you this!" He handed a letter to Daffy Duck.

Daffy smirked and said, "I hope it's not another dismissal notice."

Just then, Beast Boy caught eye of Wile E. Coyote and morphed into a perfect green clone of Wile E. He and the real coyote began copying each other's gestures. Bugs Bunny, who did not see the transformation, turned around and said, "Not the old impostor trick. Come on, Wile E. Come over here and it'll go away."

"It can't go away. See? My clone is really Beast Boy in disguise! Voila!" He began stretching the fake coyote's cheeks. "Uh… voila!"

"OUCH!" the second Wile E. yelped in a low voice. Then he turned back into Beast Boy's normal, human-like form, and said, "What did you do THAT for?"

"Sorry. I usually do that to impersonators. Usually it's a latex mask or something like that."

"Hmph!" Beast Boy stormed off.

Daffy opened the letter and mumbled it as he read. "Well!" he finally said. "It looks like that stupid old Schwartz finally wants me back! They're going to make a remake of 'A Christmas Carol,' with me as Scrooge!"

"Does it say anything about me?" Bugs asked.

"Or me?" Wile E. added.

"Nothing else… it just mentions that Porky Pig will be with me." For a few seconds, Daffy Duck was too stunned to speak. And then he jumped right in the air, shouting, "WOO-HOO! I'M BACK IN BUSINESS! I'M BACK IN BUSINESS! I'm going to tell the Cartoon Network boss the pleasant news!" Daffy then ran right into the CN office building.

The coyote followed, shouting "No! Stop!" But then the door slammed in his face! He held up a sign: "Ouch."

…

In the Cartoon Network boss's office, Daffy was talking excitedly to the shadowy boss behind the desk. "So I guess I WIN! I will gain new life in the DIRECT-TO-VIDEO market, instead of your crappy TV channels!"

"We are planning on airing your special several weeks after the DVD comes out," the boss said in his menacing voice.

"Yeah," Daffy said, "but at least I'M BACK IN BUSINESS! And there's NOTHING you can do about it!"

"Oh yeah?" The boss once again tossed Daffy Duck out the window and watched him land on the ground with a splat.

Daffy looked around. Bugs and Wile E. were nowhere to be seen. "Hmm. Maybe they went back to Wile E. Coyote's house."

So Daffy went over to the home of Wile E. He rang the doorbell and Bugs Bunny answered. "I suspected it was you, duck!"

"All right. Can I crash here a bit?"

"Sure, doc. Be sure to ask da coyote, foist." Bugs let Daffy in.

Wile E. Coyote turned to notice Daffy. "Ah, I see you came back, Mr. Duck. Just a second." He began tugging on his cheeks and pulling his face upward as he pulled a zipper down his back. Wile E. then peeled off his mask and removed the body costume to reveal he really WAS Wile E. Coyote underneath! "Pretty cool, huh? I got it from the ACME Corporation. It's a very snug fit."

Daffy said, sounding a bit annoyed, "What's with disguises and masks nowadays? What is this, 'Mission Impossible'? 'The Saint'?"

To prove his point, Bugs Bunny threw some puzzle pieces in the air and had them act like the old puzzle-piece transition sequence from the latter spy show. "Disguises are always meant to fool enemies, Daffy."

The coyote said, "How about we hold a party and invite the Looney Tunes cast celebrating we are back in business, other than 'Loonatics' or any other cheap imitations?"

"That sounds like a good idea! Let's call Porky and Speedy and Sylvester and Cool Cat and Foghorn Leghorn and Elmer Fudd and…"

"Wait," Wile E. Coyote interrupted. "I am sure the Cartoon Network boss would try to crash our party. We will have to be very careful."


	11. Chapter 11 Looney Tunes' Return

Chapter Eleven

"Looney Tunes' Return"

Daffy and Bugs were sleeping in the living room of Wile E.'s house. Suddenly, the door burst open, and in ran Porky Pig with exciting news!

"Hey everyone, I have incr-in-cred-d-d-d-d, eh, wonderful news!"

Daffy jumped up. "Well, what is it?"

Porky began, "Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, 'D-d-d-d-Dexter's Laboratory' and 'Mike, Lu and Og' and Pokem-m-m-m-m, uh, 'Pocket Monsters,' is still on Boomerang. But the g-g-good news is, WE'RE BACK ON THE BOOM!"

Daffy was too stunned to speak for a minute. Then he shouted, "YES! HA-HA! WE DID IT, BUGS! WE DID IT, WILE E!"

Bugs Bunny jumped happily and shouted, "Yeah! It's about time they'd listen to us!"

"Wait, Bugs and I didn't do anything," the coyote noted, "Daffy did all the work."

Daffy grinned and said, "I think it's a little time we talked to the boss."

…

Daffy went up to the Cartoon Network building again and into the boss's office. He was still in the dark shadows.

The boss said, "I suspected you'd come here."

Daffy sneered. "That's right! I came here to tell ya that I WON! BOOMERANG'S AIRING MY CARTOONS AGAIN!"

The boss sighed. "Right, but we are still airing 'Dexter's Laboratory,' as well as 'Pokemon.'"

"But look at it," Daffy said. "You finally found a way where Dexter and I can live in peace and harmony!"

"However, we lost the rights to air your films from the 50s and 60s. We can now only show 1935-1949 cartoons."

Daffy wasn't the least bit discouraged. "So what? I AM BACK ON THE AIR! WOO-HOO!"

The boss said, "Yes, I know. But not a lot of people get Boomerang, you know."

"Well, at least I'm back on TV," Daffy joyfully bellowed.

"I know," the boss told Daffy. "But just leave me alone, all right?"

"OK," Daffy said, and then raced out of the room, shouting, "NOW YOU CAN'T TOSS ME OUT OF THE BUILDING!"

…

Once Daffy returned to Wile E. Coyote's home, he saw Wile E. on the phone. After he hung up, he turned to Daffy and said, "It looks like Sander Schwartz wants to rehire me! I'm going to be in this movie after all!"

Daffy said joyfully, "And plus, it's a MADE-FOR-VIDEO movie! It's not going to be like 'Looney Tunes: Back in Action,' which flopped miserably…" then he grumbled under his breath, "…thanks to that 'Finding Nemo…'" and then back to normal, "but WHO CARES NOW? This could be a renaissance for us!"

The coyote smiled. "How is Bugs Bunny taking it?"

"He's never been this happy in his entire life!" Daffy exclaimed.

"Oh, and Schwartz had something else to say," Wile E. continued. "We start filming tomorrow morning. We had better get ready!"

Daffy grinned the biggest grin he ever grinned. "This is gonna be GREAT! The old gang is getting back together… except for Cool Cat, let's leave him out of this."

Wile E. Coyote couldn't help but smile. "I guess things are back to normal again… for now."

THE END

Well, that's it for this story. I will soon plan on writing a sequel to "Hard Times for Daffy!"


End file.
